Well, here we go again with another episode of “people who got married on Bridezillas are now seeking marriage counseling on reality television.” Sense I’ve gotten since the last post was that several of the couples in the mix are there for legitimate reasons and some are there for famewhorishness.
Way I see it: Three there for good, one there for famewhorishness and undecided on the other. Will name names when I figure that fifth one out.
I’m just going to go with a random-observations approach to this episode.
Because, after watching Rob Maaddi shaving his chest, some things are just so offputting that words fail. At least we know that 96 percent of his Twitter followers won’t care.
Starts off with a whole “This is what divorce proceedings will go down if it comes to that” …
• They’re all over Kirsten for getting hammered the first night to show what a divorce attorney would do with the information.
• Remy’s saying she’d fight dirty. She does so in her regularly overblown “foreign tinged” accent. Because that’s what she likely practices when her man’s out making the money, as he puts it. Then, they’re all like: Whoa, that was too much; we don’t have problems problems.
• Porsha’s man is all hinkey about turning his phone records over. This, I suspect, is going to be an undertone to their whole time at the Boot Campus.
• Marlon and Danni taking well to the discussion in a “we are not going to let it come to this.”
• The blonde Debbie Gibson throw-in gets all up in arms about how Chris would get primary custody of their kid on account of how he is the primary parent in day-to-day. And she throws some snarky shit about getting your father-of-the-year medal at the door.
• Oh, the blonde’s name is Melissa.
• Rob and Remy are acting all high and mighty when the couples are sitting around talking about themselves. Makes me wish they knew Rob had the type of ego that leads to 129K fake Twitter followers. That would have given them a bit of response strength when they’re talking about how great they are.
It’s faux-death time! Fake viewing, one of them has to get into a coffin and listen to the heart-felt letters that they wrote a little while ago.
• Remy thanks Rob for accepting her “shopping addiction.” She’s responding as if she doesn’t realize that this isn’t a farce viewing.
• Kirsten to Seth: “I’m glad you’re not really dead.” Aw.
• Porsha and Byron’s one of the three that seems to be there for legitimate purposes.
• Danni don’t want to get up in that casket. But she does. Sucked for Marlon, who says he recently lost his dad and grandmoms. They have a real moment. With tears and all.
• Rob and Remy done got on Porsha and Byron’s nerves big time.
• Debbie Gibson-ishy lady ain’t going to get into the casket. Storms out. Why do I keep forgetting her name? Wait a sec while I scroll up. Melissa. That’s it. Well, this reaction is way Kirsteny. As they try to convince her to get in, Rob is saying that you just have to convince yourself it’s a tanning booth. Yeah. Seriously. Anyway, DG is talking about how the people who got in the coffin got mental issues. And she flat out refuses. Because Melissa won’t do anything that Melissa doesn’t want to do. “Congratulations to all of you” who were able to do it “but hell no,” she said. Weak sauce.
• As someone who was literally on his deathbed, watching these folks bitch out of just laying in a coffin for a few minutes paints the sort of negative picture that won’t soon fade. Points deducted, yo.
• The boot camp sergeants or whatever you’d like to call them say Melissa and Chris almost got booted for the whole coffin thing. In their defense, they ain’t the famewhores of the bunch.
• By the quarter pole in the #BZBootcamp lap, the in-my-estimation standings are three couples here for counseling, two here for fame.
• Well not fame fame, but a hunger for attention that overwhelms every one of their brain cells. Sad, really. I hope the bad apples don’t ruin it for those there with clear eyes and full hearts.