When we get reacquainted with our 10 American heroes, fake-Twitter-follower enthusiast Rob is shaving his armpits, and Kirsten is yapping at Seth to start showing her some more public affection because, c’mon, everyone else is.
The question at hand when they gather outside: Fellas, pick someone else’s bride to call your own. Only thing missing was a fishbowl from which to select keys.
Rob picks Danni. Remy looks all mad. And Rob’s all Danni’s more understanding than you.
Chris picks Danni, too. And Debbie Gibson gives a harsh look, especially when Chris is all, like, she has everything you don’t and if sidepieces were involved in this here thang, well, Danni it is.
Byron gets on over to Remy. Reckon makeup-man Rob’ll probably cut him. “I have no idea why I even picked her,” says Byron when he’s up in the booth with Porsha.
Marlon picks Melissa. Because she cooks and cleans and isn’t emotional. “She’s cool,” he says. “We get along.”
Seth picks Danni, too. Because she’s a good listener. Which Kirsten don’t much like.
Remy picks Marlon, but don’t hug him. Says she’d have taken Chris but he didn’t pick her so she was all like, pfft, whatever. (She likes how he don’t get all worked up.)
Debbie Gibson picks Marlon, too. Because he’s cool as fuck.
Porsha, she picks Marlon for his honesty.
Kirsten is having difficulty picking someone because no one picked her. 
She went with Chris. Because he’s emotionally available.
And, Danni chooses Rob over Chris. He says “hells yes.” Because he listens and protects.
Aw. So fun.
Then, they get couple assignments from the guards or counselors or whatever these marriage-fixin’ folks is called.
Danni and Byron. Seth and Remy. Porsha and Chris. Kirsten and Rob. Melissa and Marlon.
The gimmick is a BBQ party. They all have different tasks to make the party a good one. Finding ingredients; putting grill together; making a signature cocktail; cook the meal.
Communications issues worked through.
Rob and Kirsten go shopping. He suggests protein shakes for everyone. Not so much, she retorts. They squabble at the meat counter. She drops a fifty on the ground when seeking chardonnay.
“They should have never given you the money in the first place. This is why the guy handles all the money. You never give a woman money. Never. Never give a woman money,” says Renaissance Man Rob Maaddi when he finds it on the ground.
Melissa and Marlon hit it off. So Danni’s all talking about a desire to get dominated — tied up and whatnot — because she read that “stupid ass” 50 Shades of Gray.
Seth and Remy are at the party-supply store. She loads the cart with $300 worth of product despite only having $50 in the envelope. Because Remy is as Remy does and good luck with that on a sportswriter’s salary, makeupman.
Chris and Porsha are aligned insofar as they got trust issues with their spouses. Before long, Porsha’s asking for intermediaries to ask Byron why he won’t give up his cell phone; this is evidence of infidelity, she thinks; physical and/or emotional.
Table talk ensues.
Chris jumps aboard to a limited extent, but even that pisses Debbie Gibson off to the point that she’s ready to start throwing because, well, what we know best is what stings us hardest, I guess.
Porsha and Byron end up getting one-on-one time with the guards; they encourage him to turn over all his passwords and phones and whatnot to her; Byron tears ensue; then, Byron’s fingers gets to deletin’ thangs instead of handing it over; “there’s something dark here,” says lady guard; “I’m tired of being judged, I love my wife,” he says off-camera but not out of camera-mic range.
Prepping. Cooking. Feet dangling in jacuzzis-ing. Sipping raspberry martinis with pineapple juice because Marriage Boot Camp starts tough but ends sweet. Review the day’s life lessons and look within for self-improvement. Blah, blah, blah.
I mean, hope it’s helping them all, but thank God there’s only four episodes left until the yet-filmed reunion show which I hear is going to be fanfuckingtastic.